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Only expect
the expectable - don't expect that your 2 year old will
have the same understanding of a situation as your 5
year old.
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Use a
positive approach – tell your child what they can do,
rather than what they cannot do. For example “Your shoes
belong in your cupboard” not “don’t drop your shoes on
the floor” or “you can run outside where there is lots
of room” instead of “don’t run inside”.
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Always model
the desired behaviour yourself. For example, smacking a
child who has just hit their playmate sends a very
confusing message!
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Offer
appropriate alternatives – when there is a need to
discourage certain behaviour, offer something else that
is similar, but acceptable.
-
Encourage
decision making - get your child involved in creating
the rules. Write them down, draw pictures etc, then
refer back to them when your child forgets. Approach the
situation with "Remember the rules we talked about?
Let's go and check our pictures". If you involve your
child in creating rules, you must accept these rules and
not add to them at a later date without involving your
child. This will help your child take ownership of the
situation and their behaviour.
-
Be
consistent - make sure that you always treat all
children equally and not offer different consequences
for the same behaviour.
-
Do not shame
or embarrass your child – this decreases their
confidence and self-esteem and often increases
disruptive behaviour.
-
Avoid asking
questions that will result in a “no” from children.
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Give
explanations - children like to know what is going on.
-
Acknowledge
children’s angry feelings - for example “I know you are
angry, but I can't let you kick the wall as it will
break. How about we go for a run outside or have a
jump." A great way to help your child 'vent' is to offer
them a bongo drum or other similar banging instrument
(saucepans with a wooden spoon works a treat!). They can
bang out their frustrations in a positive and safe
manner.
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Do not play
on child’s emotions – saying things like “Look you made
me cry” or “You made me unhappy, when you didn’t give me
a cuddle” although are usually said in fun is loading
the child with the responsibility for your emotions.
-
Acknowledge
other people's rights – parents should not pretend that
things don’t hurt. For example “That hurt and I like it
when we can play nicely together”.
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Be confident
- children know when you are unsure and usually play on
this!
-
Don’t overdo
the warnings - if you say that you will only ask twice,
do so, then provide a consequence.
-
Ignore some
behaviour - not everything your child does is worth a
confrontation. It is OK to let some small negative
behaviour go, especially in very young children.
-
Never hit or
bite or physically punish your child. If you are too
angry to manage the situation positively, make sure that
your child is in a safe place, then walk away for at
least 5 minutes until you feel calm again. Make a
coffee, read a magazine, or go outside in the sun - it
is OK to admit you are human and that your child has
really managed to get to you. Come back once you have
calmed down and work through the situation calmly. You
will get a much better result if you are more relaxed
for both of you!
All
children will require a little guidance at some point in
their lives. Disciplining your child does not have to become
a battle-field each time you want to correct undesirable
behaviour. See our helpful hints below for some great
strategies for providing some positive discipline for your
little one.